The Dating Abyss

So … it’s been two months since I last wrote. In one manner, a lot has changed … then again, nothing has changed at all! What has changed? New guys = new dates. What hasn’t changed? New guys = new dates. No one has stuck around for no one ever stays. Most have ghosted, one tells me he reconnected with his ex, and one says this:

“ok so I thought about things last week and based on where we both are in life I don’t think you and I should date (with the intention of ultimately getting married). I enjoyed spending time with you and would still have fun hanging out and being friends but I wouldn’t want the pressure or feel like I’m leading you on for a long term relationship.

That being said I tried talking to a couple of my older single friends 35 and 38 but they’ve been super weird about women in general. Super weird. (Maybe that’s why they are mid upper 30s and still single). I was maybe gonna try to set you up but it’s looking like that’s falling through right now.”

Ummmmmmm, seriously?! WTF?! This is what I get after one date … that’s right! ONE date. He ended the evening by saying, “I’ve had a great time – I’d really like to see you again.” So, why the 180? And how did marriage enter the picture?! 

I replied to him saying that was a curve ball. I have no idea what changed his mind and gave him the impression I’m desperate to get married. I was under the impression we’d had a good time and wanted to get to know each other better – no commitments – just see where things go. And, honestly, I wasn’t sure how to take the fact that he’d looked into setting me up and that being single in your 30s must mean you’re single for a reason. I then wished him the best of luck and cut ties. What kills me is his response – he had to have the last word.

“Whoa. I’m saying that about my FRIENDS along the lines of me being frustrated with how THEY are acting. Not you. I think you have a lot going for you and that’s why I eventually thought you’d be a good recommendation for them. Compliment for you FYI.

2nd. I felt like I’ve led girls on in the past to the point that I get badly criticized for not ending things when I don’t see a future anymore. I wanted to be upfront and I guess say I can’t see you and I being together 5 years down the road or so. So rather than wasting ur time and maybe breaking up in 3 months, 6 months, I was trying to let you know as soon as I was not interested in having a full on long term relationship which would lead to marriage.

3rd. I did enjoy hanging out. We could still hang out. But I don’t want any expectation of me dating you or trying to advance things between you and I. I don’t know a great way of saying it … Let’s just be friends? If your even interested? I could go to trivia or somethings on the weekends, but ya I’m really busy with soccer.

So sorry for the 180 feeling.

I’m single and I clearly am not the best at communicating everything but I’m trying my best to share how I feel and be honest about stuff.”

I never responded. It was my turn to ghost, but then again – I said my goodbye and gave well wishes.

Now, lets add the fact that all this happens leading into the hardest and most depressing time to be single. The holiday season. Where every day I remember how much my life resembles that of Iris Simpkins, only Jack Black has yet to make his entrance. My own personal hell.

I recently finished reading Dan Brown’s novel Inferno, which was heavily influenced by Dante Alighieri’s The Divine Comedy. If you’re not familiar with the “comedy”, it’s an epic 14th century poem envisioning the afterlife in it’s three parts: Inferno (Hell), Purgatorio (Purgatory), and Paradiso (Heaven). While on the surface, it may be one man’s story, allegorically, it’s about the soul’s journey towards God. Ok, ok … the art historian/philosopher in me is starting to nerd out on you. I won’t take you down the rabbit hole, but it got me thinking … I’m definitely in a dating hell … maybe I need to hit all “9 rings” of hell before I can pass into dating purgatory and eventually heaven?! Just go with me here …

Inferno’s 9 Rings of Hell = My dating experiences
  1. Limbo = the guys who’ve continue to text me but never make plans … not to mention the Piss n’ Dipper.
  2. Lust = the dick-pic senders
  3. Gluttony = the boozers. The guys who’ve been drunk when I’ve arrived for the date
  4. Greed (Prodigality/Avarice) = the guy who boasted about his 6-figure salary on date one (He ghosted after date 3 … there’s that curse of 3 again! Damn it!)
  5. Anger (Wrath/Sullenness) = the guy who replied, “well, at least you got free dinners out of it.” when I told him I wasn’t feeling the same way as him.
  6. Heresy = the guy quoted above – “I can’t see marrying you so … NEXT.”
  7. Violence =
  8. Fraud = the guys who’ve stood me up
  9. Treachery = Bill, Whom I severely misplaced my trust. And the guys who use me to piss off the ex before reconnecting with them.

Oh, dear God! Violence …. that’s what’s left?! I really hope not! Maybe cocaine dude can count for ring seven? That’s about as violent as I pray I ever have to experience.

So, what is it I’m missing?! Maybe I am doomed to just cycle through the dating abyss, teased with moments of joy, possibility, and hope – only to have it all shattered by the reality that I am in fact unlucky in love … and how in the hell for any brief moment I could think that I was actually happy …

Advice? Theories? Anything? I’m all ears because I’m just so exhausted. I deserve to find my Prince Charming – I deserve to find happiness. I just wish I knew how.

Until next time, Queen Bee
officially demoting this queen to #WorkerBee 



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